A Songwriter's Guide To Life
by AllyOnMyDawson
Summary: My name is Ally Dawson and this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I live my life and have great hair.
1. Chapter 1

Hi my name is Ally Dawson and I have long wavy brown hair with caramel highlights. I Kind of look like Lea Michele except my nose isn't fucking huge and unlike her I don't use it to crack open nuts to eat or the skulls of children.

As I walk into Sonic Boom, the shitty ass music store my dad owns and is never actually at so I just run the place. Like what the fuck I'm 15 or some shit why trust me with a fucking shop when all I wanna do is watch Jersey Shore and play with my pussy. Anyway, as I walk into Sonic Boom, I see him, Austin Moon, and copper smelling friend Dez.

Austin Moon is the most gorgeous guy in existence. He is tall, handsome, and looks remotely like Ellen Degeneres but also like a squirrel. I like squirrels. His eyes are brown, just like the shit I had last night and have the same chocolatey swirl to them.

"Hey Austin," I say approaching him. Gosh he makes me so wet. "What're you doing here?"

Austin turns around, putting down the trumpet he was playing. If he can use his fingers to make such heavenly noise with a trumpet then I wonder what noise I'll make when he uses those fingers on me. "Oh, hey Ally. Dez and I were just messing around with the instruments in the shop. Isn't that right Dez?" Austin swivels his head in Dez's direction. All Dez does is nod as he's a bit preoccupied with Trish. my mexican friend who just showed up.

"No that is not okay Austin," I say frowning at him. "Do you know how expensive those instruments are? No you don't as your family is fucking poor as shit because you sell mattresses like who the fuck wants to buy a nasty ass mattress from your parents shop when they just smile weirdly at everyone and have probably fucked on all of them."

"Gee, I'm sorry Ally. Really. Let me make it up to you." He says sliding over the counter and to the guitar section grabbing a guitar. Austin starts to sing me some love song. His voice is heavenly melodic and I'm so hypnotised by it that the only words from the song I can make out are 'Toot it and Boot it'.

"Oh Austin," I swoon, leaning onto the counter. "If you're gonna touch the instruments, at least touch mine." I wink at him, his eyebrows raise and I know he understands what I'm on about. He drops the guitar, the instrument smacking loudly against the hard floors of the shop and I don't give a fuck because my dad's paying for it and not me.

Grabbing his soft, dainty effeminate hand, I lead him across Miami to my bedroom and he pushes me onto the bed. I spread my legs and lean back on my elbows, and from this angle I can see Trish and Dez also entering the room, popcorn in hand.

"Ew guys go away Austin is going to murder my vagina and I don't want you guys to see." I yell.

"Sorry Ally, but Austin said we could. We love voyeurism."

"Oh, okay." I say turning my gaze back to Austin.

"Now pound this V." I command pointing to my vagina.

"I love fish tacos." Austin says, his eyes full of hungry lust.

"Bitch what the fuck thats such a turn off. I'm out of here." I say hoisting my vagina up and getting of the bed. As I leave the room I can hear yelling behind me.

"Where's the show?" Dez cries, still eating his popcorn.

"In her pants but I need to work for it." Austin says.

On hearing his voice I squeal. He does care about me! I can't just walk back in there though, Trish is a dirty bitch and has probably farted and I'm not losing my virginity to the aroma of her nasty burrito farts mixed with the smell of Dez's ginger dick. Ew.

Trudging down the stairs I see my Dad sat on the couch, flipping through a newspaper. He hears me come down and puts the newspaper on the coffee table.

"How was losing the virginity champ?" He says with a smile.

"Almost as bad as losing mom to the Uncle Bobby who is now my step dad."

"Really that bad?" Dad asks with concern.

"Not as good as losing it to Trish though." I say.. "Hymens are hard to regrow. Not that it matters anyway… Austin's probably up there jacking it off to Trish's nudes that are in my drawer. Not that they're any good. She has a taco covering her hoo hah."

"Ally Ron Dawson, someone sent you nudes and you never told me? I'm proud of you champ, 10 points to gryffindor."

"Oh my fucking god dad I'm a Ravenclaw!" I yell running back upstairs. I slam open the door of my bedroom, only to see Austin, Dez, and Trish playing Uno.

"Get the fuck out of here guys! And stop touching my stuff that isn't my pussy or my tits."

"Fine." They all say simultaneously leaving the room and the house and then getting into Trish's probably stolen BMW. Bitch is mexican and poor as fuck so it has to be stolen. I bet she uses it to cart her family over the border which is why she sometimes disappears for weeks at a time and comes back with scars all over her face and Chipotle stains in her panties.

After they've left, I jump onto my bed and start to cry heavy tears of depression. I grab my phone and take sad selfies, posting them to all my social networks with a shit ton of emoji's and Coldplay lyrics in the description.

Putting my phone down, I bury my face in my pillow and cry myself to sleep at the shit hole that is my life. Even though I live in Miami and am surrounded by attractive people and have a dad who is kinda rich.


	2. Chapter 2

Austin has a concert tonight and I can't decide whether I should go or not. I don't want to go because I want to be mysterious and make him want me… though that could take a while since everybody fucking rejects me #friendzoned, but I want to go because there are gonna be tons of cute guys there, but none of them will compare to Austin.

Austin is the most perfect guy ever as I stated in the previous chapter. He makes me feel so many emotions other than hate and horny. However, he wasn't the first guy who made me feel this way. The first guy was the Kovu from the Lion King 2. God he's hot. I used to watch him on TV to block out the noise of my Dad banging hookers in the next room. When Kovu appeared on screen I felt a surge of emotions rush through my body and down to my vagina. He was the first man who made me feel that way. I used to lie back on my bed and think about all the ways he would pleasure me. He would start off gentle and eventually become rough and brutal, choking me with his big strong paws just the way I liked.

Austin could never do that with his lady hands, he's got nothing on Kovu. Like he's not a fucking lion. But he's cute, and sweet and treats me like a girl instead of Trish. Which is why I've decided to go to his concert, no matter how talentless he is.

My dad drops me off at the venue and I show the security guards my backstage pass and wink at them as they let me through. When I get backstage I see Dez messing around with his camera. He always gets like this at concerts. He reminds me of a pushy soccer mom who is living her life vicariously through her children. Wouldn't surprise me tbh.

"Hey Dez," I wave. "Where's Austin? I need to speak to him before the concert."

"Oh he's in his dressing room down the hall. I'd be careful when you go in there though. I heard screaming so either he killed somebody or he was masturbating violently to those pictures of Trish we found in your drawer the other day."

"Thanks Dez." I chirp in reply before bounding off down the hall to Austin's dressing room.

I begin knocking the door. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" I say. Austin loves Frozen.

"No Ally I don't wanna build a snowman you dumb bitch we live in fucking Miami not cold ass Canada. Besides I have a concert in a few minutes and I have to sing your stupid songs." He replies letting me in anyway.

I love it when he bullies me. It makes me feel wanted and wet.

"I didn't actually want to build a snowman you blonde asshole." I say sitting on the couch by the wall. "Are you ready for the concert?"

"Was Trish ready for animal control to take her parents? Of course I'm not Ally;. What if I fuck up? My parents tell me I will and they're always right. I don't think I can go on." Austin sighs, looking down at his hands.

I walk over to him and place my hands on his shoulders. "Austin, you'll do fine. You're starting to sound like me when we first met, a shy bitch who sucks dick under pianos. And you don't want to be a shy bitch who sucks dick under pianos. Only Dez wants to be that kind of girl."

"No Dez likes wearing Trish's clothes and pretending that he's Regina George from 'Mean Girls'."

"But Austin, Regina George is flawless. Trish dresses like she robbed a ghetto toddler at a thrift store." I state raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah but according to Dez, you Ally look like ratchet lesbian hooker who just finished her shift sucking off old dudes outside the public library."

"Good point." I say. "Anyway, you'll do great out there I promise." I kiss him on the lips before I leave. He tastes like shame and week old potato salad but I don't care.

Within minutes I see the stage manager go into Austin's dressing room and lead him on stage and in front of a crowd of fans who don't really want to be there but we paid them to show up because we need Austin to think he's talented.

He gets on the stage, his clearly dyed hair swaying in the breeze. He starts singing the lyrics to my song I wrote about him 'Blonde bimbo with the fine ass'. I'm just hoping he knows its about him or I just might just die.

As I watch him on stage Trish comes up behind me. "Hey Ally. I'd stop staring at Austin like that you look like a fucking stalker."

"Oh hi Trish." I say surprised, ignoring her rude as fuck comment. "Where's Boots?"

"Ally stop being so racist you piece of shit. Like just because you're white and moderately attractive doesn't mean you're better than me. Like, do you know much dick I've sucked? Not even I know how much dick I've sucked but it's a lot. And I'm good at it. Isn't that right Carl?" Trish turns her head to wink at a security guard across the hall, who winks back and gives her a creepy smirk.

"Well that's fucking disgusting." I say. "Like your mouth is probably more diseased than a Kardashian's ass."

"At least I've achieved something." Trish says. "Come on Dez!" She yells. Dez puts down his mom camera and runs over to Trish.

"Actually, it's Deztiny now." He states, as he turns to glare at me with bitch eyes. Damn he's fierce.

Trish, Dez and I are interrupted by Austin who comes down the stairs and backstage after finishing his first set for his show. He smells like sweat and piss and it smells so good on him.

"Hey guys," He starts as he jumps down the steps from the stage. "How did I do?"

I want to tell him he did shit like always and that Justin Bieber on helium sounds better than his scratchy as fuck voice, but if I say that he'll get annoyed and won't sing again and as much as I want that to happen I need the money that 5 year olds girls pay to see this piece of crap.

"You did amazing Austin!" I lie, hugging his lanky frame. "I've never heard anything more appealing."

"Stop Ally you're making me blush." Austin says running a hand through his greasy hair.

"She also seems to be giving you a boner." Deztiny comments as he proceeds to snap his fingers in a Z formation.

"Girl that comment was on point!" Trish yells holding her hand in the air to high-five Deztiny.

"Just like Austin's dick." Deztiny says snidely, slamming his gangly hand into Trish's raised tubby one. Deztiny is seriously so fierce now that he should form a fucking gang and sit on the popular table at school and then judge everyone's outfits.

"Guys stop being so mean to Austin, I know he deserves it but at least his dick can get up." I say slapping Austin's fine ass.

"Yeah." Austin adds.

I let go of Austin and step back. "Really Austin? All you think to add is 'yeah'?"

"Yeah?" He replies.

"You're really not helping the blond stereotypes you dumb fuck." I say wondering briefly why the fuck I'm interested in this irrelevant piece of shit anyway. "I mean, I could have easily fucked Dallas in the back of his mom's mini-van but instead I chose you and your pasty white ass."

Austin gasps, surprised that I would treat him that way. Good, it's time he learnt that I'm the dom in this relationship; in fact, I think it's time he started calling me 'Daddy', that would be so fucking sexy. Even the thought of his pink blow-job lips mouthing each individual syllable of my chosen name get me going, sending shivers down my spine and tingles to my toes.

"Fuck Austin, I want you now," I pant heavily like a dog hanging itself out the window of a moving vehicle. I grab desperately at the cheap red plastic jacket he's wearing; like who the fuck does he think he is? Michael Jackson? Austin Mahone? Like, no.

Austin's eyes, which are reminiscent of feces, light up with excitement, and he pitches a tent in his pants.

"Oh my god, Austin! How fucking obvious can you get?" I hiss, slapping his chest with the palm of my hand; though I'd much rather be slapping his ass. Damn, that really gets me going so I continue to slam my hand hard against his solid chest, wondering how long it will take before his pale skin turns red.

Austin and I continue this for quite some time; me spanking his upper body and him biting down hard on his lip; I'm not sure if he's super turned on right now or he's fighting off the urge to smack me back. It doesn't matter anyway because Deztiny is soon all up in my face with his camera, rambling on about how awesome this shot would be for Austin's next music video; ' Help, I'm a teenage wannabee.'

I pull away from Austin, pausing only to glance down at his tiny soldier standing to attention; well fuck, I'm pretty sure my fingers are longer than that. "Dez, what the fuck are you doing? Can't you see Austin and I are in a fight?"

"We are?" Austin whines, his lips curling into a small pout; making him look like a duck-human hybrid.

"Shut the fuck up Austin!" I hiss, throwing my hand at his chest once more. Austin stands erect in response, clenching those firm buttcheeks of his as a result; I wonder if Dez has ever put his dick in there? "Whatever, I don't care. Where did the Border Bandit go?" I scan the venue for signs of Trish; but since I can no longer smell the strong mix of dick and chalupa in the air, I know she's long gone.

Seeing as how I can't find Trish, and as such my ride home, I grab my phone out of my bra and send a quick text to my dad to pick me up. I would get a ride with Austin and his parents but last time I did the car smelled of weed and I'm pretty sure I saw his mom's dildo in the back pocket of one of the seats.

Within ten minutes my dad pulls up in his 2000 and something Shitsubishu with some blonde bimbo in the passenger seat. With the amount of collagen in her lips and lemon juice in her hair I could've sworn it was just Austin in drag. She even has the same high pitched 'just got kicked in the nads' voice as him.

"Hey Champ, how was the concert?" He asks as I open the door to get in.

"Awful, I've seen hobo fights that are more entertaining."

"That doesn't sound so bad Champ. If anyone can make a talentless Justin Bieber wannabe entertaining it's gonna be you Ally Ron Dawson." My dad says as his latest companion nods and says 'Ja' in the background. Finally he hires a hooker who pays attention to me.

"Thanks dad." I smile, as dad starts to drive off.

"No problem, now let's go get you some ice cream to keep you occupied while I bang this whore when we get home."


End file.
